Monday, February 1, 2010

Motherhood... Rewards & the Pain

As I am preparing for bed, I have a ritual with my girls.. Almost OCD like. I feel the need to check on them. Well I'm sure all moms do this, but I do it at least 3 times. But not for the manic reasons that popped into your head from that Psych 101 course you once took.

I do it because my daughter's sleep so beautifully. Take my Sarah, she sleeps sometimes with her eyes half open. In the right light you can see her gorgeous blue eyes. And she always has a serene look on her face. Once in awhile you can see her little lips pucker & she gives an eyebrow raise. Which always makes me smile, because what has she seen to make her think that sarcastic liitle "wow that was interesting"
And then there is my Emily. Now she is a snorer, but the type that could put most people to sleep. It is droning in nature. And let's not leave out the fact that she takes an entourage to bed with her every night. By these I mean her trolls & nutcrackers. At a minimum 8 trolls keeping her company & they are alway snuggled in with her & under the covers. To keep them warm.
I enjoy peeking in on my girls because it has the most calming effect on a mother. When I stand over my daughters crib and listen to her soft even breath and then stroke her soft sweet cheek - I know that there is good in this world. I know that when I sit or snuggle with Em while she sleeps, sometimes through her garbled chitchats in her sleep to Noone I get a reminder that in a flurry q chaos, peace always pulls through.
These checkins with my daughters are the happiest parts of my day. I realize that yes, Sarah is disabled. But I have a daughter who has nothing but love for me. When I look at my now, finally she's sleeping - Emily. I realize how much laughter she adds to my day. Especially as she is trying to solve the mystery on "Bones" with in the 1 at 5 minutes. (but mom it has to be XXXX man... He looked mad)
Yes they get on my nerves at times - and daily at that- but nothing make me feel more whole than they do.
Do not look for world peace - look for it in a smaller way. Once we find those things that truly with make us happy, I think it will all fall in line then. :)

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